Suing a Company

There are several important skills to learn in life, including reading, writing, and eating bananas.The most important of these, as it is internationally agreed, is eating bananas. Since this is such an important skill, this article will tell you how to fly to Jupiter and back again. But before that, we will touch on how to sue a company. The many steps are explained, starting from an outrageous accusation and up to what to do after you've sued them.

#1: "So, you want to make an outrageous accusation?"
To make an outrageous accusation, you must first think of something simple. Take, for example, the woman who sued McDonald's because she spilt hot coffee on herself. She took a simple event, spilling hot coffee, and made it grow into an outrageous event that should never happen again! But "again" is the key word. If you're the first one to blow a specific "something" out of proportion and make it a lawsuit, it's perfectly okay! The trick is to be creative, orignal, and imaginitive. The best way to do this is to first pick a company that you know has a lot of dough and media interest. Money, though will be the main focus of our sep-by-step instructions.

#2: "Now that you've told me how to make an outrageous accusation, will you actually tell me how to make an outrageous accusation?"
To do this, you must:
1) Pick a topic that it is almost impossible to defend.
2) Get a really good and sleezy lawyer. (Hint: the sleezy lawyers will not be found in their offices. Try the seedier pubs in Harlem for best results... or any pharmacy where hair gel is sold.)
3) Make sure you have plenty of lemonade.
4) Rinse, repeat(Beware: Rinsing and repeating more than once may not end in the success of suing a company.). The "r(epeat" is the)re just for kicks.

#3: "Don't get caught."
Getting caught in a silly lawsuit can result in many unpleasant consequences. Some of these consequences are too unpleasant to mention. A few of the less gruesome ones are as follows:
1) Losing the case.
2) Ordering scrambled eggs, and recieving them sunny-side up.
3) Coming into the coutroom and being arrested by flying monkeys with very large potatoes.
The rest cannot be printed in a decent publication. Thus, we think it best if we move onto another subject at the present time.

#4: "Now that you've told me not to get caught, how do I not get caught?"
Unfortunately for you, squirrels have taken over the computer right now. More later.