Ants

Ants are out to take over the world.

No, really.

Okay, you obviously don't believe me. We'll start with the basic villanious rule: Always wear (or have your skin color) red and/or black. What colors are most ants? Red and black. Hah! They are villains, I tell you! Evil masterminds! They want to kill us all and take control of the planet! After that, they'll have galactic domination!

You still don't believe me, do you? Try this on for size, then: the population. There are about one million ants for every person. Does that not sound like world domination?! If an army of 200,000 men and women attacked (that's a total of 400,000 people) the ants, they could send out 200,000,000,000 ants to counter-attack, and still have the same ratio! They are at a distinct advantage here. Just wait - one day, they will come with their huge numbers! Their numbers plus their villainious skin must mean they are PURE EVIL MASTERMINDS!

You probably think I'm crazy right now. Well, in one sense, you are right: I am insane. But in another sense, you should be scared! An single ant can lift twenty times its weight! Now, you may think that this isn't much, but think of it this way: If a one-hundred pound person could lift 20 times its weight, it could lift 2000 pounds, or one ton! Ridiculous, I know! Also, an ant can run very fast for its size. If we could run at the same ratio, we'd be running as fast as race horses! They also only live for about 45-60 days. This makes them willing suicide bombers since they're going to die in a few weeks anyway! When ants build the technology to make themselves bigger, we will be hopelessly doomed! This brings me to another point.

Ants have superior technology to us. No, seriously. How else can they build complex underground cities without having the tunnels collapse upon them? They use their complex technology to keep everything held still. They've also killed many a person, not from biting them, but from using their superior disintegration technology. They're EVIL! They blew up a planet! They've destroyed solar systems! They move galaxies! They blow up galaxies! I tell you, they are EVIL! Where do you think the big bang came from? ANTS, I TELL YOU! With their superior technology, their ridiculous physical status at their size, their numbers, and their villainious colors, they must be EVIL MASTERMINDS BENT ON WORLD DOMINATION! Their motto is "Today the world, tomorrow the galaxy!" followed by fits of maniacal laughter. EVIL, I TELL YOU!

As you can tell, we must destroy ants before they destroy us. Fire ants have already found a way to harm us! I've begun constructing a new army to kill these ants, after the failure of my last attempt. Currently, I am one of two officers of this army, the other being Todd. I need supporters, volunteers, and military minds to combat the forces of the ants. Join my forces! Be the saviors of the human race! Help me kill of the ants, or die trying! Don't be discouraged by the outcome of my last attempt(the asteroid belt, for those of you who didn't know. It used to be a planet.)! We must kill them all! LEAVE NONE BEHIND!

Thank you for your time.