Carissa and Andrew's Guest Post

This is very long. Scroll down to see what I mean. An old man in flowing robes with a flowing beard steps forward. "Go back!" He says, with wild eyes. Will you heed him? Hi there. I'm Jedi_Raptor07. I would like to thank my gracious hosts, Jeff & Maeve, for allowing me to guest-post this entry on their blog. Just "gracious?" Bah! We've gotten "Almighty objects of my undying devotion and faith" from lowlier scraps of metal than you. I've never actually posted on a blog before, and I'm way to lazy/busy excited to be doing so now. Lazy and busy, you may be, but you somehow managed to write this. Imagine that. Many thanks to Jeff & Maeve for allowing me to post my first, um, post on their blog. Smooth, there, Cap'n, um, Smooth. I am forever in their debt (Guys, please don't take that literally). Oh, why the disclaimer? We would never (cough, snort) take advantage of your "gracious" offer!
Okay, enough of the groveling. Already? We haven't had enough! Eh, continue anyway, you ungrateful litte... *grumbles* A little about me... this big
SEAL thing jumps out of a whale carcass I'm a multimillionaire living in Malibu, Florida. I own a multimillion dollar mansion, have a housekeeping staff of about 50 people. Can I borrow a few million dollars? I drive a bright red Lamborghini Murcielago. I'm the CEO of a multibillion dollar technology corporation, have a beautiful wife whose (<--GRAMMAR ALERT!) half my age OH! HA! I DO NOT HAVE A COMPULSIVE UPDATING DISORDER!!!!! I'm sure u all were dying to know that. yuppers, and ten kids from my three separate marriages. And if you believe all that, then get your head checked. It's all false. Darn. We were about to invite you and your lovely wife over for cocktails. You could have had some very powerful friends. Wait, you lied to us? Oh, that's it. You're on our "List of People who Lie and we Don't Like" list now.



That's what I really drive to work every morning! i literally have to skip chours
because of it. SHINY STUFF - IDK where i would be with out it. It's a Grumman F-14D Tomcat, goes zero to 150 in less than 2 seconds, 0_o top speed of 1200+ MPH, and the best part is, it carries 6, count 'em, 6 AIM-54C Phoenix air-to-air missiles, so I never have to worry about someone taking my parking space! Yeah baby! And, of course, whenever a teacher gives you a bad grade on a test...Of course I had to buy it slightly used and it still cost me a cool $25,000,000, but, hey, it was worth it. and we DID!!!! ALL EIGHT OF US! IN A CLOSET WITH ABOUT 3 SQUARE FEET OF SPACE IN IT!!! IT WAS AMAZING! except i got squished... and my hand got a small bruise on it. The only thing I'm not happy about (aside from the fact that my brother likes to be a backseat driver. Man I love those ejector seats!) is the paint job. Off-white with sky-blue accents doesn't really suit my fancy. I'm thinking maybe of painting it black with red and yellow stripes, maybe some flames, oh, and a shark mouth on the nose! Take that Tom Cruise! He did, but not very well. You'll be getting a... vist very soon, I should think.

Okay, again, if you believed any of that stuff, see your shrink ASAP. Gasp! You insult the readers?! That's number one on the list of blog taboos! You are banished, Romeo! Okay, come back again and finish this thing up. Actually, I take that back. Oh, good. The technical data on the F-14D is correct, just don't belrandom is good??? right???ieve any of the crap about me owning it (If you do, don't tell anyone! I don't want the Department of Defense to come knock my door down!) I would be more worried about Tom Cruise's little buddies, if I were you.
Actually, to be honest, my life isn't all that exciting. I'm board a lot, usually oak (duh-duh, ching!) Oh! You took my position! If I weren't currently fighting more than two wars, it would be ON! Yeah, yeah, I know, bad joke. 2/3 of a pun. P-U! You rounded out your pun with a pun? What kind of apology is that? I can't believe you even attempted a pun. That's just sad. Huh, I guess I'm kind of out of it today. School will do that to you. "SHAKESPEARE IS NOT! ITS FUN! SO SCHOOL IS NOT POINTLESS" and she was like "shakespeare is evil when it begins to rain". "To be or not to be, that is the question; whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer..." Sucks all the life out of you, makes you a zombie. Stinks. "They're zooooooombies!!"

Okay, enough whining. Let me tell you a little about myself:
Favorite Movies: Star Wars (all of them, even the prequals), Red Dawn (great war movie, highly recommend it), and last but not least, The Adventures of Robin Hood (Yes it's kind of cheesy and over-the-top at parts, but hey, you gotta love the classics) Lord of the Rings isn't on there? And neither are the Marx Brothers?
Favorite Author: Tom Clancy that i drew a face on. I call HIM joe. It sounds like Tom Clancy's buddies will be knocking on (or down) your door, too.
Favorite Foods: Pizza (!), Philly steak sandwiches, DARK CHOCOLATE (Must...have...Hershey's Special Dark!), and the Chicken Fingers from Appetite's Delight. (w/ honey mustard yumyumyumyumyum!) You're going to die early.
Favorite car: If it's made in Europe, has at least 8 cylinders, goes at least 150 mph, and costs more than I'll ever make in my entire life, then I WANT IT BABY! That sounds about right. You're feeding the stereotype, Drew.
Favorite sport: Paintball, hands down (although I would like to try airsoft) Lasertag is infinitely better than paintball, duh!
Anyway, like I said, I'm not much of an artist when it comes to PhotoShop. I am, however, something of an author. I enjoy writing fan fiction, mostly Star Wars stuff. so being the resourceful person i am.... i'm just going to combine fragments. I'm thinking of opening an account on FanFiction.Net but would like some creative criticism on my before I do. Criticism I have. Haven't you noticed? It's the price of a post, I'm afraid. Here are a few projects that I'm working on:
1· Star Wars: Tangent-basically a what-if story if Padme had survived Episode III
2· Ghosts of Sherwood-A Robin Hood story.
3· Star Wars: The Road Not Traveled- Anakin and Padme never get married, so i was like look at the talking apples to apples. Palpatine is defeated, and Padme becomes Supreme Chancellor. Another what-if story.
4· Untitled Star Wars Story-Leia is gunned down and dies in Han's arms and Han goes on a one-man mission of revenge on her killers. My criticism, which isn't fair because I haven't read it -- This revenge-seeking plot is too tired.

If you want, and if Jeff & Mauve (Maeve starts sputtering and foaming at the mouth. Do I LOOK like a shade of purple to you? I might now, since you've gotten my dander up by spelling my name wrong!!) or nerdjedi will let me, I can publish samples of these stories on a blog in a later guest-post (pester them in your comments to let me do that). We wish you wouldn't, unless Andrew is willing to let us "edit" his stories before we post them. Let me rephrase that: We'll let Andrew post his stories if we get to "edit" them first. it all started when we had EIGHTEEN INCHES OF SNOW ON THE GROUND. HAHA! NO SCHOOL! *runs outside* Oh. No snow on the ground. :-( Any further ideas you could offer would be great.
Well, Jeff & Mauve (Not once, but twice! You insult your host TWICE? My friend, I cannot take this lying down! *Slap with glove*)(Not only are you on our "People who Lie and we Don't Like" list, you are also now on the "People who Can't Spell Maeve's Name Correctly" list. That's an even worse list, by the way.) are probably ticked about how long this post has become, (No, not so much that. Maybe about a certain SOMEONE with an irreverence toward SOMEONE ELSE'S name!) so I'll sign off. Until next time,
Jedi_Raptor07 ~Carissa
PS. Send lots of comments so Jeff & Mauve (Maeve gives up, and runs away, sobbing. Jeff runs off, too, to cheer her up.)or nerdjedi will let me post again! THE GOLDFISH LIVE ON! Goldfish are awesome. I ate some today. The end.
Or is it?