Le Poisson d'avril

That's right, folks. It's another round of...Le Poisson d'avril!!!!!!!!!!!
Two points to those who know what language that's in. Three to those who know what it means. Four to those who don't know either.

Five and a half points to who ever (or is it whoever?) knows the answer to the following question:
"If a duck walks into a bar, the bar man shoots the piano player, Billy Joel walks in complaining that the microphone smells like beer, an unconscious Argentinian falls from teh ceiling, and a parent decides to clean a child's glasses because he did a horrible job, will the train reach Mars?" Extra credit: "Why are you reading this?"

Now, this was orignally written for...oh, why should I bother to tell you that junk? I shall now retitle this "When you see it, you"

Four score and seven years ago, something important happened. Something very important. Unfortunately, I don't know what that something was, so I can't talk about it. :-P

Now, as you are no doubt aware, the ants appear to have a brilliant plan with their lottery, but I have a much simpler way of winning the people to help me fight the ants.

Step 1: Find your cousin.
Step 2: Put your cousin in the cannon.
Step 3: Find another cousin.

However funny, I can not claim that I wrote it. I stumbled upon this whilst searching for something I can't remember, and thus I can't cite the source, either. Ah, well, another day, another death trap. That's from "Ratchet and Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal" for those of you who don't know your videogame lines. Anyway, to my real plan.

Step 1: The step that preceeds Step 2.
Step 2: The step that is used in combination with Step 3 to prepare for Step 4.
Step 3: The step that usually takes place during or immediatly after Step 2.
Step 4: The step that is changed due to certain circumstances that arose during Steps 1, 2, and 3.
Step 5: The step that follows Step 4.
Step 6: The last step which is ridiculously complicated and should be, in all cases, be reduced to pushing a button labled "Engage."

It's genius, I tell you! Foolproof! Foolius! Genproof! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anyyaw, here's that contest I was promising ya. As usual, 2 winners posts will be merged with comments intertwined.
Write up the most creative way to get to Mars. Can not exceed 8 sentences...unless it's really good. Those who exceed 8 sentences will be subject to take the course "Self Defense Against Fruits" for 6 months.

Good night, and good luck.