Wax

You have poked me in my soft, unprotected underbelly. I am weak, so I succumb to popular demand. A post to slake the thirst of the masses:

"Barty!" came the cry of the old woman from the driveway. Her voice was dry, and Bart was under the impression that it was due to a thick layer of dust, like that on the figurines she kept sardined on surfaces all around the house.

"Let's go!"

"Coming, Gram."

The boy slouched downstairs, being as careful as possible not to step on the massive grey cat that lay sprawled across three steps, soaking in the sun, or possibly dead. Bart didn't really care which it was. He and the cat were not on speaking terms. The screen door swung shut with a bang as he made his way across the porch to the car. It took Bart a few seconds to register what he saw unfolding in the driveway of the old house:

His grandmother was crouched low, pressing close to the side of the car. A great, reptilian head swung stupidly from left to right, taking in the scents of lake water, rock, boy, and dusty old woman. The last seemed to spark its interest, and with the ungodly speed that nature grants only the most unspeakable of creatures, Nessie swooped down, and cleanly made Grammy disappear.

By the time Bart's rigid terror allowed him the use of his legs again, the serpent had retreated back into the Loch with a terrible splash. Bounding back the way he came, across the porch, through the screen door and into the kitchen, he snatched up the phone to call the authorities. Through the husky voice of the man on the other line, he could hear welling laughter. So this is what it feels like to be part of a myth, Bart thought, through his desperate grief and horror. So this is what it feels like to be a loon.

Hm. I don't know where that came from. It was originally going to be about a chili war and a squirrel attack, but I went legit on you all. Sorry. At least it has Nessie in it, who almost makes up for the fanged squirrel. Maybe I could have a Part II where Nessie and the squirrel face off over a bowl of chili. Or maybe Nessie and the bowl of chili could duel for the squirrel's love!

Or maybe I'll talk about wax now.

Wax is very useful. It can be made into candles, which were very important for people who didn't know about turpentine (which comes from pine trees! Who would have guessed? Obviously not the guy on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"). Wax is made by bees in order to have structure for their homes. The queen bee lays eggs in hexagonal wax impressions, which are also used to store honey. Honey is good, and the plural is "honeys," not "honey," contrary to popular belief. Wax is also fun to squish around when it's not covered with ants.

A note to the Ants and all those participating in the war for/against human freedom:

I am no longer an Ant advocate. If the time should come when there is war between the races, I will side with the humans to protect our place on Earth as dominant species. That is all. Thank you.