An Editorial Misjudgment

I forgot that you guys have a limited amount of interest in the contests, so I made some changes to today's post:

First, using my Holmes-esque intuitive, deducive (it's a word if I want it to be)intelligence, I realized that each reader has his or her own attention span and comprehension level. For this reason, there will be three versions of my post, each catering to a different demographic. Second, it's fun to insult the reader's intelligence, as we found out in issue #1 of our series (still-semi-pending-on-completion-as-in-we'll-get-to-it-in-the-next-four-years), "Suing a Company." So, buckle up!

Version #1 (For monkeys [ToddD not included], people reading this between 2:00 and 4:00 AM, and those who write book reports like Lucy):

I like my old shoes. New shoes are not fun to get. I got them. It was not fun. I like my old shoes.

Version #2 (For you averages Joes and Janes, and those too lazy to get out the thesaurus for Version #3):

Getting new sneakers is a pain. Have you ever heard the saying, "Comfortable as an old pair of shoes"? Today I rediscovered how true that phrase is. My grandmother took me to Sneaker World because my four-year-old holy (in both senses of the word, in my opinion) sneakers embarrassed her. First of all, the shoe guy measured my feet and found that they are size 3 kids. Apparently, they shrunk. I then proceeded to try on about seven pairs of sneakers, all of which were uncomfortable. You didn't have to be particularly attuned to realize that both my grandmother and the shoe guy were angry with me at this point. It's a good thing Shoe Man's evil eye reflected off the brilliant white sneakers I was trying on and then off his bald head, and then harmlessly into the carpet. Those things can be dangerous! Finally, I found a pair that didn't threaten to eat my feet while I wasn't looking, and the whole business was put to an end. I don't think I ever appreciated how nicely (-Nicely) my own sneakers fit on my feet until this afternoon. It didn't help that my grandmother told me even the Salvation Army wouldn't want them. Poor little guys.

Version #3 (For the gutsy Honors student, ToddD, and people who are just reading through all of the versions for kicks):

This part of the post has been pulled because I didn't feel like writing it. So there.