Post Number 50!!!!!!

This is post number 50. We should do something special, don't you agree?

Yes, I do. Should it involve roasted carrots?

No, I have a really good idea! Let's interview random people!

Yeah! I know where we can find some. Let's go!

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J: Welcome to The Amazing Spectacular Shiny Really Big and Cool Show of Wonder! Today we will be interviewing that all-time favorite pet, ToddD the Monkey!

T: (enters with very large bomb looking thing) No, you won't. (ToddD blows up the entire theatre, with Jeff, Maeve, and some of the cast and the audience barely escaping the large explosion. ToddD is nowhere to be seen.)

M: Well, I guess we'd better use the backup stage. (pulls out large cardboard box) I was *going* to use that box as my house, but now I'll just have to find a job that pays, I guess. Welcome to The Cardboard Box Show! Today we will be interviewing Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived!

HP: (Entering, struggling against the several giant bodyguards dragging him in by his feet. Harry clambers to hold his bath towel up.) I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS! THEY ARE HOLDING ME AGAINST MY WILL!!!

J: Oh, that's silly! Of course you wanted to come here! Now, tell me, are you going to die in the next book? No offense, but I'd be really sad if you didn't.

HP: Well, that's rude. If I were to interrupt you in YOUR bubble bath, send some thugs to kiddnap you, send you by bungie-transport to some cardboard TV studio across the world in Nevada (where IS Deaddogville, anyway?), and then--

M: Please, just answer with a "yes" or "no".

HP: No, I'm not going to die.

J: What? Oh, well I guess I'll just have to kill you now, then. (Pulls out a very large stick and starts to beat Harry to death)

M: Argh!

J: Well, if he wasn't going to die in the book...

M: Now we need another guest! Let's interview you, Jeff. What made you psychopathically murder the best-loved protagonist of modern times?

J: Well, his story is so dark, and J.K. Rowling had been hinting at his death pretty much the entire series. If...

M: You can't kill the hero!!!

J: Yes you can! But anyway...on to our next guest, Renfield from Dracula!

R: (Enters, very scared, as if running from someone) Hello. Would you have any flies?

J: Um...no, but we have got some tea! Would you like one lump or two?

R: I'll take just the six, but leave the tea. (Takes the sugar and places it next to the nearest window.)

M: Renfield, how does your treatment at the asylum make you feel?

R: It makes me feel insane. (glances at the sugar) Oh, good, flies!

J: That's very non-specific. Can you please explain?

R: Sure. I'm a zoophageous, or something. Dr. Seward says I enjoy eating life. Here, spider, spider...

M: So you eat bugs? Gross!

R: Could you hold on for a minute? (Feeds flies to spiders) There. What was the question?

M: Ew!

R: I am thoroughly offended! I happen to like plastic wrap! You can use turkeys to fly to the moon, if you're good enough. I mean, take the light from Benjamin Franklin. He made the first nuclear reactor under a college sports field. Oh, good, the birds have come to eat the spiders.

M: Ew!

J: Oh, come now, Maeve. It's Renfield.

M: I never pictured my hero quite so enthralled with the mysteries of plastic turkey Franklin reactor wrap.

J: Wait...what?

R: Hm...do you have any cats?

M: Why do you want a cat?

R: To...love...and pet! Yes, that's it!

J: But you don't have any food.

R: *Silence*

M: Well, there was a cat here in the box earlier...

J: You can't seriously want to give him a cat.

Dr. Seward: (Running in) Renfield! I told you not to escape!

R: Oh, sorry. I have to go now. Bye! (Renfield leaves with Dr. Seward.)

J: What happened to the birds?

M: Um...look at the floor. (On the floor, following the path Renfield exited, is a trail of feathers.)

J: Oh.

Dracula: (Appears very spookily) I'm sorry, but have you seen one of my minions around?

M: (In a southern accent) He went that a-way.

D: In which direction? (Maeve points down, Jeff points towards the audience. Dracula takes off and lands in the orchestra pit. Playing the first violin is Renfield.)

R: Master! You found me!

D: We must leave, Renfield.

R: Alright. Bye, everybody! (Dracula and Renfield leave in a poof of smoke.)

J: Well, that was interesting.

M: No, it wasn't. It dashed all of my secret hopes to be like Renfield when I grow up. Now I know that he is unequaled.

J: Well, at least Harry's dead.

(A group of knights consisted of supposedly dead people are led by Sir Lancelot and Sir Robin, singing "I don't know, but it's been said! We're off to war we're not yet dead!" At the end of the line is Harry, supported by a throng of fan girls, who is alive, kicking, and singing along. As he passes Jeff, he yells "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Jeff falls down, presumably dead, in a flash of green light. Maeve shrugs, and goes off to join the fan girls.)