The Metric System

(Ch)okay. Ruling out the ice caps melting, the metoers becoming crashed into us, the ozone layer leaving us, and the sun exploding, we are definitely going to blow ourselves up. That is a(n almost) direct quote from the flash animation "The End of the World". Alaska can come, too.

So, I googled "English system of measurement". This is what I got, from wikipedia, with a little editing of boring junk:

"Length

poppyseed
¼ of a barleycorn
barleycorn
Basic Anglo-Saxon unit, the length of a corn of barley. The unit survived after 1066, redefined as 1/3 inch. Note the relation to the grain unit of weight.
digit
¾ inch
finger
7/8 inch
ynch, inch
Anglo Saxon inch, 3 barleycorns. Based on the Roman uncia from 1066.
nail
3 digits = 2¼ inches = 1/16 yard
palm
3 inches
hand
4 inches
shaftment
Width of the hand and outstretched thumb, 6½ ynches before 1066, 6 inches thereafter
span
Width of the outstretched hand, from the tip of the thumb to the tip of the little finger, 3 palms = 9 inches
foot
Usually 13 ynches but also other variants. Shortened by basing it on the Roman pes from 1066.
cubit
Forearm, 18 inches
yard
Introduced after 1066, 3 feet = 36 inches.
ell
Elbow, 20 nails = 1¼ yard or 45 inches. Mostly for measuring clothing
fathom
From one fingertip to the other, 6 feet
rod
Saxon gyrd measuring stick, might have been from 20 "natural feet". Retained its length but redefined as 16 ½ Roman feet after 1066.
chain
four linear rods. Named after the length of surveyor's chain used to measure distances until quite recently. Any of several actual chains used for land surveying and divided in links. Gunter's chain, introduced in the 17th century, is 66 feet.
furlong
"One plough's furrow long" (Saxon furrow is furh), the distance a plough team could be driven without rest. This varied from region to region depending on soil type and local habit. In modern context, it is deemed to be 660 feet, 40 rods or ten chains.
mile
Introduced after 1066, originally the Roman mile at 5000 feet, in 1592 it was extended to 5280 feet to make it an even number of furlongs, i.e. 8.
league
Usually three miles. Intended to be an hour's walk.

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Area

perch
one rod, when referring to length; one square rod when referring to area; one rod by one foot by a foot and a half when referring to volume (usually specifically for masonry stonework)
acre
area of land one chain (four rods) in width by one furlong in length. As the traditional furlong could vary in length from country to country, so did the acre. In England an acre was 4,840 square yards, in Scotland 6,150 square yards and in Ireland 7,840 square yards. It is a Saxon unit, meaning field. Probably meant to be "as much area as could be plowed in one day".
rood
one quarter of an acre, confusingly sometimes called an acre itself in many ancient contexts. One furlong in length by one rod in width, or 40 square rods.
carucate
an area equal to that which can be ploughed by one eight-oxen team in a single year (also called a plough or carve). Approximately 120 roods.
bovate
the amount of land one ox can plough in a single year (also called an oxgate). Approximately 15 roods or one eighth of a carucate.
virgate
the amount of land a pair of oxen can plough in a single year. Approximately 30 roods (also called yard land).

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Administrative units

hide
four to eight bovates. A unit of yield, rather than area, it measured the amount of land able to support a single household for agricultural and taxation purposes.
knight's Fee
five hides. A knight's fee was expected to produce one fully equipped soldier for a knight's retinue in times of war.
hundred
or wapentake - 100 hides grouped for administrative purposes.

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Volume
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General

In both Britain and America, in addition to perch as a measure of length, there is also the perch which refers to the volume measurement of stone; one perch is equal to 16.5 ft × 1.5 ft × 1 ft = 24.75 cu. ft. of dry stone. The relationship to the unit of length (one perch = 16.5 feet) should be obvious.

Units of volume included:

Mouthful = about ½ Ounce

Jigger = Mouthful X 2

Jack or Jackpot = Jigger X 2

Jill or Gill = Jack X 2

Cup = Jill X 2

Pint = Cup X 2 (and a "Pint's a pound the world around" or in Britain, "A pint of water's a pound and a quarter")

Quart = Pint X 2

Pottle or Half Gallon = Quart X 2

Gallon = Pottle X 2

Peck = Gallon X 2

Half Bushel = Peck X 2

Bushel = Half bushel X 2

Cask, Strike, or Coomb = Bushel X 2

Barrel = Cask X 2

Hogshead = Barrel X 2

Butt or Pipe = hogshead X 2

Tun = Butt X 2 (A tun is a ton)

A Tun would actually be about 2,048 lb. but is a pretty close estimate given that you could derive the weight and volume all from mouthfulls of water.

Weight

The Avoirdupois, Troy and Apothecary systems of weights all shared the same finest unit, the grain, however they differ as to the number of grains there are in a dram, ounce and pound. Originally, this grain was the weight of a grain seed from the middle of an ear of barley. There also was a smaller wheat grain, said to be ¾ (barley) grains or about 48.6 milligrams.
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Avoirdupois

grain (gr)
≈ 65 mg
dram/drachm (dr)
27.34375 gr (sixteenth of an ounce) (possibly originated as the weight of silver in ancient Greek coin drachma)
ounce (oz)
16 dr = 437.5 grains ≈ 28 g
pound (lb)
16 oz = 7000 grains ≈ 454 g
quarter
¼ cwt
hundredweight (cwt)
112 lb (long) or 100 lb (short)
ton
20 cwt

Additions:

nail
1/16 cwt = 7 lb
clove
7 lb (wool)
stone (st)
2 cloves = 14 lb (an Anglo-Saxon unit changed to fit in)
tod
2 st = ¼ cwt (long)
Troy

grain (gr)
≈ 65 mg
pennyweight (dwt)
24 gr ≈ 1.56 g
ounce (oz t)
20 dwt = 480 gr ≈ 31.1 g
pound (lb t)
12 oz t = 5760 gr ≈ 373 g
mark
8 oz t

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Tower

tower ounce
18¾ dwt = 450 gr ≈ 29 g
tower pound
12 oz T = 225 dwt = 5400 gr ≈ 350 g

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Apothecary

grain (gr)
≈ 65 mg
scruple (s ap)
20 gr
dram (dr ap)
3 s ap = 60 gr
ounce (oz ap)
8 dr ap = 480 gr
pound (lb ap)
5760 gr = 1 lb t

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Others

Merchants/Mercantile pound
15 oz tower = 6750 gr ≈ 437.4 g
London/Mercantile pound
15 oz troy = 16 oz tower = 7200 gr ≈ 466.6 g
Mercantile stone
12 lb L ≈ 5.6 kg
Tron pound (Edinburgh/Scots)
16 oz Tron ≈ 623.5 g
Butcher's stone
8 lb ≈ 3,63 kg
Sack
26 st = 364 lb ≈ 165 kg"

Now, tell me this. How much of that did you know, if you bothered to read all of it? Alright, now tell me how logical that seemed. Very good, none is the correct answer!

After looking at that, I realized that this world needed a new measuring system. I took it upon myself to create this (c)uniform (is a type of ancient language) system of measurement. I call it..."the blueberry project". I shall start with length.

Length: The schnorgle.
The square root of the size of a large egg divided by pi.
Zata-, Danga-, Chista-, Janga-
Prefixes meaning, respectiviley backwards, times forty, times ninety nine, times fifteen point six, and times 0.000000000342.

As you can see, The Blueberry Project has only one length of measurement. Much easier than learning "Feet" to "Yards" to "Inches", etc. Now, onward!

Area: The sq-schnorgle. (Pronounced SKWAH-schnorgle)
A schnorgle squared. No, on second thought...sq-schnorgle = schnorgle^2 + 16(tri-schnorgle) all over 16 1/2.

Volume: The tri-schnorgle.
A schnorgle^3.1415926... divided by 24(42) - 12(21).

Weight/mass: The gazenda.
The mass of several large watermelons minus the weight of lots of potato chips. Same prefixes as before.

That about covers it, don't it? Alright, I'll leave off with my favorite quote from this Thursday.

"A one day old mouse is only one day old, for one day."

I wish I could get a tape of that...

Kudos to anyone who bothered to read any of this post. 2 points for you!