Know Thyself...

And eat cookies!

Kudos to Sam, as he gave me the idea to have a conversation with someone. This someone, however, is not God. I shall have a conversation...in my mind, with Me, Myself, and the infamous I. Well, not really a conversation, more like a short story. So it's not really a kudos to Sam. Ignore this entire paragraph, in fact.

I walked into a large, dark room, where Me and Myself sat at a very large, round, important looking, marble table. They were sitting in chairs that made them seem very big and prominent figures.
"Have a seat, I," Myself said, his voice boomed by a microphone. "We have business with you."
"You? You's here? I haven't seen You in a while," Me continued to ramble on about he and You were good friends until Myself glared at Me. I proceeded to sit down in a chair, when immediately the chair's arms became large metal objects that grasped I's arms and retained him. Mad cackling erupted from two individuals, Myself and Me.
"Unhand me, demons!" I yelled! "I am not thy enemy!"
"First, stop it with the old English. Second, Me and myself think you are. After all, are you not the one who is different? Me and myself start with M's...while you are a single letter. I. The selfish letter. You are an extremely selfish part of the person we make up. We don't think you are fit for the job anymore."
"Whoa, back up! Are you saying you're going to eradicate me from existance?"
"No, we didn't say that...but that's a really good idea!" Me reached for a remote when I yelled something in a long-forgotten dialect and the lights went out in the already dark room. When at last the lights were returned power, I was missing from the chair.
"You lost him! You fool! Call You! It's going to take more than us to catch I!" Myself stormed out of the room in a fit of rage. Me stayed behind, contemplating how to get in contact with You, as You was a very hard character to contact. She moved around a lot, and when she wasn't moving, she didn't listen. Out of the dark corner of the room, I stood silently. Me began to wander the room, looking for the exit. As Me walked by the dark corner I hid in, I jumped out of the corner behind Me and quickly switched nametags. As they Me, Myself, and I all looked and sounded alike, the only thing that kept them from being mistaken as another was the nametag. I knew this and as he knocked out Me, he yelled for Myself. Myself came running in, yelling incoherent angry things.
"What is it, you useless fool?" he finally asked.
"I've found I. Well, Me has found I. I mean...no, Me mean...you know what I mean! I mean Me mean. No Me mean Me mean. Nevermind! Here's I." I threw Me, who had I's nametag on, at Myself.
"You caught him? Where was he?" Myself inquired, a little hesitant at accepting the fact that the fool Me could catch the genius I.
"I jumped out behind Me...I mean, Me mean, whatever...I jumped from behind the corners and frightened Me. I mean me. Myself. Not you, me. Anyway, I, Me, ducked because Me...I was so scared and he soared over Me and hit the ground, knocking himself unconscious."
"Is that what happened? That was very clever of you, Me!" Myself seemed very pleased with whom he thought was Me's actions.
"Oh, thank you! I mean thank Myself. Me mean...oh, whatever." Myself took who he thought was I, who was actually Me, over the shoulder and ordered some guards to take him to a cell in the dungeon. "You know, Myself, this seems to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
"Oh, don't quote movies right now. I have a headache." With that, Myself walked out of the room. I meandered over to the chair Me was sitting in and sat. He smiled smugly, knowing the others would never find out that he was I.
Myself walked in the room. "Oh, and I, don't forget: next time, get rid of the security camera before you ambush Me."