Double Contest-stravaganza!

Fish-naming: I went out and got two beta fish tonight. They need names. One is an electric blue, and the other is mostly red with blue and purple streaks. They are both male. To win the fish-naming contest you must submit a pair of names to my email address (It's Jeffrey's, minus an "s" plus a "t") by Thanksgiving. Now, part two.

Monologue: I need a monologue for Governor's School. It must be less than five minutes long, from a published play or musical. I'm hoping for fairly contemporary. It should have levels, whether it is very funny or very dramatic. Nothing that demands an accent, please (character voices are okay). The deadline for this is also Thanksgiving (email me).

If you win the fish contest, the fish will have your winning names (duh). If you win the monologue contest you get the satisfaction of knowing that my future rests in your hands (hopefully not in a megalomaniac way). If you win both contests, you get a good ol' fashioned guest post with only minor editing by Ishi-ishi and I.

Happy Thanksgiving, unless you're a turkey, in which case you will have your head chopped off, your feathers plucked and trampled by your fellow blood-crazed fowl and minimum-wage laborers, your neck and entrails removed and stuffed up your abdominal cavity, your naked corpse shipped in the back of a refrigerated truck with hundreds of other pink, nameless carcasses by a disgruntled truck driver who wonders why he doesn't get more time off for the holiday, your body examined and prodded by a number of stressed-out women who assess how many people you will feed, and finally you will be broiled, broasted, roasted, or maybe even baked in a sweltering oven, while time to time small, ugly, faces press themselves against the window to gawk at your crisping, cracking skin covered with herbs and oil that magnify the heat. At the end of it all, you will be picked at by a number of people who wish they didn't have to spend the day with their family and that you weren't so dry.

Enjoy.