There was once a

man with a roll of blue painter's tape. He traveled near and far, taping poultry to frozen bags of mixed vegetables throughout the land. Then he got bored and became a hairdresser.

There was once a man with a roll of green painter's tape. He traveled near and far, taping poultry to frozen bags of mixed vegetables throughout the land. Then he died.

There was once a woman with a roll of blue painter's tape. She traveled near and far, taping poultry to frozen bags of mixed vegetables throughout the land. Then the mixed vegetables got angry, complained to their Congressman, and got a bill passed that forbids the taping of poultry to frozen bags of mixed vegetables with blue painter's tape.

The man with the roll of green painter's tape might have taken advantage of the loophole in this law, but he was dead.

As cool as is to be a squirrel, wouldn't it be cooler to be a Congressional Page?

And now, because I opt to be lazy, I'm going to rummage through my desk drawer to find something to post. Dang. I can't find my poetry book. It's probably downstairs somewhere. I've been looking, and it's not. This distresses me. I'll have to get Renfieldd on that right away.

Instead, for your reading pleasure and my pleasure of having to exert no actual effort, here's Macavity: The Mystery Cat from Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot.

Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw -
For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.
His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
And when you reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!
You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air -
But I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there!

Mcavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin;
You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in.
His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly domed;
His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed.
He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;
And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake.

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
For he's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.
You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square -
But when a crime's discovered, then Macavity's not there!

He's outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)
And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard's.
And when the larder's looted, or the jewel-case is rifled,
Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke's been stifled,
Or the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair -
Ay, there's the wonder of the thing! Macavity's not there!

And when the Foreign Office find a Treaty's gone astray,
Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,
There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair -
But it's useless to investigate - Mcavity's not there!
And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:
`It must have been Macavity!' - but he's a mile away.
You'll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumbs,
Or engaged in doing complicated long-division sums.

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
At whatever time the deed took place - MACAVITY WASN'T THERE!
And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
(I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)
Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time
Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime!

I'm in a literary mood, if you can't tell.

And now, I leave you all with a strange picture.



Miran. A goat sitting on a donkey. The llama in the background is an added bonus. Ever been to Merrymead Farm? The goat and donkey there used to do that all the time for some unexplained reason.

PS -- read the post before this one. I feel bad that I didn't give Jeff's post sufficient time to be read before posting this one.