Hum-drum, Absurd, and Mediocre!

Normal people use blogs to talk about the hum-drum events of their everyday lives, their absurd political views that no one will listen to in real life, or to publicize their mediocre band. Until now, this blog has done none of these things. I will, for a one-post event (extravaganza?) discuss all three.

Today I got out of bed. Finding nothing satisfactory to eat for breakfast, I started exploring tupperware. This is a sign of desperation. In one container near the back of the fridge, I recognized the potato salad from my brother's birthday party... last month. Thinking that it would make a botulism-a-riffic breakfast but an even better semi-liquid to load my formerly-water pistol with, I stuffed my supersoaker and the tupperware into my backpack.

I got on the bus, got to school, and went through my morning classes. Come lunchtime, I met my friends at our customary table located in the cafeteria balcony. From there we have a panoramic view of the miserable and squirming peons. Between the seven of us we had a supersoaker full of liquefied potato salad (mine), a water pistol brimming with the ink squeezed from washable markers, and a bucket of plasma. We never start food fights. That's why my friend dumped the plasma over the balcony first. After that we could launch food.

Then maybe some sort of gelatinous tulip monster flew us home. And we did homework.

Democracy is so stupid! When everybody is competing against everybody else and common people get a say nothing ever gets done! What this country needs is a healthy Communist rule. Now, I know Communism hasn't worked for other countries in the past, but every country is a new beginning. America is the greatest nation in the world, so isn't it logical that Communism would work differently (and better) for us? Communism insures that the social security net has no holes. In fact, the net is more like a squishy pile of pillows and mattresses. As Americans we have a Puritan Work Ethic that would perfectly support Communism. In fact, if we put a dose of Puritan values into our new Communist system, we could turn the United States into a utopia! I propose these amendments replace the ones in our current Constitution. The Constitution will have to be replaced too, but we can do that later.

Amendment I
Citizens of the United States have the right and legally-enforced obligation to follow the American Dictator in all that he says, agree with all he does, and wear "We <3 Dicty" t-shirts on special occasions.

Amendment II
Working like mules is the duty of the few so that the many who work like really lazy pigs can slack off. However, there shall be no work on Sundays, as it will anger The Lord and He shall smiteth those sinners who abuse His Holy Day and toss them into the pit of Hell where the fires of the Devil give no rest to the wicked.

Amendment III
No dancing, singing, playing musical instruments, playing instruments that were not intended to be musical for music-making purposes, laughing, frolicking, playing games, eating candy, riding 25 cent poneys outside of K-mart, or having any sort of fun whatsoever. Fun is of the Devil.

Amendment IV
All Americans are equal, except for the Dictator who is smarter and more powerful and more handsome than everybody else. All jobs are equal. All salary is equal. All happiness is equal, although happiness is not really allowed. We live and work as a community.

Amendment V
Shoes with buckles and funny little squished tophats are the national dresscode. If someone breaches this code, he is burned as a witch or a dirty Capitalist.

come see GHOSTLY MEATSAUCE JARS OF DEATH perform this weekend @ dan's mom's bookclub's parkinglot!!!!! its gonna b the best show EVAAAAA!!!! it starts @ 12 PM and goes untill we get tird or dan's mom finishes bookclub and drives us home. we died r hair black w/ sum purple stuff 4 this!!! come see us sing and play wicked hard so it will amaze you and you will be like cool!!!!! we r singing r only song called GHOSTLY MEATSAUCE JARS OF DEATH WILL KILL YOU!!!! over n over cuz its pretty hard to make a song n stuff so we think this is pretty good though. also rick is stupid. rick's mooooooom! lol. rick, you smell like some sort of real smelly stuff.