And Then There Were None!

Well, actually... there were a few, but they don't really count because they were rather boring people. They weren't the sort of people one would expect to commit a murder. This element of boringness was, in fact, the very element that made their adventure so exciting.

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Sigh. Now I have to finish writing this. Well, here goes! I'm continuing on from the last sentence only. And apparently I forgot to save this yesterday, so I have to REWRITE EVERYTHING!!! Blech.

Well, not so much adventure as...attack. A very large attack. In fact, you might call it a "battle". Er, a series of battles. Sort of like a "war". It was a pathetic war, though, because they only managed to kill one person. This was an accomplishment for them, so don't make fun of them. After all, they were just a bunch of goblins!

See, it all started when the humans came. The humans didn't even try to acknowledge that the goblins might be intelligent - they just assumed they were stupid. This wasn't very convenient for the goblins, who (as curious creatures) went up to ask the humans what they were doing. Most of them got shot. After a while, though, the goblins realized something: the humans were dangerous.

The goblins declared an all-out war against the humans. To understand how this does absolutely nothing in the goblin world, one must get to know the typical goblin persona. Most goblins have an extreme sense of self-preservation, and will refuse to do anything that puts them in any danger. Scout the enemy troops? No, sir! Hunt a wild animal for food? Better luck with other species. Go to the doctors? Hell no! When the war was declared and volunteers were asked to fight as soldiers, the total number was 2: the goblin who asked for the volunteers and the goblin who lost the dare.

The Goblin Chief, or the TGC, decided to become a little more forceful and enacted a sort of "draft". He called it off when he was chosen.

After amassing a large army of goblins (give or take eight million) they began their attacks. The orders were frequently "Run for your lives!" and "Everyone but me - CHARGE!" Thousands of goblins lost their lives in these attacks, mostly because of poor management. After all, nobody told them that part of being a soldier was attacking the enemy!

They did, however, manage to kill a single enemy. The enemy, though, was one of their own. The TGC had betrayed them - he had sided with the humans! At least, that's what everyone thought when he came back with one of their weapons. While trying to figure out how to use this strange tool, the goblins attacked him, fearing for their lives. A passive race, instead of tearing him to shreds there, they threw him to the ravenous beasts in the caves.

The goblins slowly realized their primitive weapons would not work. Appointing a new chief, they began work on the "fire spewer". Several weeks later, they had a finished product. The "fire spewer" required mass preparation to work correctly. Dry leaves must be collected and placed in a line to the victim. A fire then will be lit on the leaf-trail and head towards the victim. Stunned by the ingenious moving fire, the victim would stand still in terror until burned. (Tests indicate further revisions are necessary. When firing the weapon, it is possible to burn down many trees. The goblins who liked to eat the leaves on these particular trees died of starvation after refusing to eat the leaves of other trees. "Although a potent weapon," the new chief said, "it is also a dangerous one!")

It was time for the goblins final attack. After laying dry leaves around the human camp, they lit the leaves on fire. To their shock, a foamy substance sprayed out from strange canisters and put the fire out very quickly after a human spotted it. Devastated that their weapon did not work, many of the goblins stood frozen for days. Soon after, they were enveloped by a devastating fire emanating from a large vehicle rising fast into the sky, with the humans inside. By this time, there were very few goblins left after the war.

The destruction of the goblin race was not due to the humans, however. A meteor came crashing into the planet, throwing it off course and into the sun. The sun, which was reaching the end of it's life, soon after exploded in a super nova and then collapsed into a black hole, effectively killing anything not dead at that point.

I have no idea what this has to do with Maeve's beginning post, but the title fits!