The Ray Gun

As a mad scientist, I tend to do some things labeled "mad", or crazy. I was intrigued after watching many sci-fi movies to make a ray gun that shot deadly "rays". As any mad scientist would do, I sat down with a tuna fish sandwich in one hand and a pencil in the other. I began immediatly to draw a design for a ray gun.

Days past, and my newest model that I had drawn seemed like it would work. Immediatly I began to grab the necessary materials to build it. Searching around the house proved insufficient. I realized then and there I would need money, more than I had. I needed a loan.

The bank denied my loan request, as I was already in a serious debt. I wondered how I would get the money when I thought crossed my mind: steal it.

No!

Why not? It would get you the money.

It's illegal!

And building deadly ray guns isn't?

Well, it's not really spelled out in the law that you can't build new weapons.

Oh, just steal the money!

This went on for quite a while until I realized that the voice in my ear came from the person that stood behind me. Wondering how they knew about my ray gun, I used my immensly powerful karate skills to ninja jump and land behind him, delivering a blow to his temple as I fell screaming "HIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I spent the night in jail for it.

In jail, however, I met a metal working person. That is, someone who works with metals and such. He agreed to help me build this "weapon" (he doubted my sanity) if I busted him out of jail. Of course, I had to decline, and I left him in jail and never saw him again in my life.

Once out of jail, I went to my last resort: my parents, the billionaires. They offered me six millions dollars in materials if they could get 10 percent of the profit. Haha! I finally got the money!

Several months later, I finished constructing my prototype, seen below.

Of course, now I had to test it. I wandered into a police station, asking them to check the lethality of my new weapon. The man didn't take me seriously, however, and jokingly said "Hey, Charlie, look, this guy made a 'ray gun'! He wants me to check how lethal it is!" Charlie seemed to be an idiot, as he responded "Well, go on then, Tom! Shoot me with it!" Fortunately, Tom had bad aim and, instead of disintegrating Charlie, hit the wall behind him. Both Charlie and Tom looked on in astonishment. They handed me over to the FBI, where I was given a new identity and ten bucks if I kept quite that I invented the weapon. Actually, I ended up with $3.60. They took 40% to give to the government and then I had to give ten percent to my parents. Some inventor in the FBI was then given credit to my invention and I lived my life in obscurity. So, what's the lesson in this? Never desing a ray gun on a stomach filled with tuna!