Let's see...

I've realized it's rather hard after a while to come up with random things that you, our audience, will enjoy. That's why there's been a lack of posts.

Turtlenecks are evil. I thought I'd mention that.

Ties are evil, too. You know, ties were originally designed so that if you spilled food, your shirt wouldn't get ruined. They were sort of like napkins. Something happened, though: the designs on ties began to be more elaborate and thus the cost rose. It soared on above the cost of a shirt, so people didn't want to get either their tie or the shirt dirty with food. At least, that's what someone told me. But they are evil! They choke you to death!

Sony computers...They're evil as well.

A rooster lays an egg on the top edge of a pointed roof. Which way does it fall? (Down is not accepted, though it is a clever answer)

Riddles are fun. "This thing all things devours
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers
Gnaws iron, bites steel,
Grinds hard stones to meal,
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down!"
Bonus points if you can tell us what book that's from. Hint: I didn't like it and never finished it. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much detail.

The ants invaded my back yard earlier this month. I don't know why, but the spray didn't work very well. I wanted to use rum and a match, but my dad said "But there's wood out there!" I don't know...I think the wood would make it an even bigger spectacle. So, later that week, the ants invaded my school. Or, at least, they tried. They are really tiny, and there are a lot of students in my school...BANG! POWER! SMASH! All that was left were little smears of black by the end of the day.

I have to mezmorize Costello's part for "Who's On First". Remind me to do that sometime.

I was watching Doctor Who last week and heard the funniest quote. Forgive me if it's not word for word. D = Doctor, O = Other Person I Forget

O: But doesn't it stand out? [in reference to the police box]
D: What do you do when you see an odd blue box in the middle of the street? Walk past it. Now, come on!

That cracked me up.

"Aspects of Love" has waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much repetition in it's music. I swear, there's only about 5 tunes used in the entire 2 hour-or-so show.

Three day weekend...I have to finish all my homework now. And AAAAAAAAAAH! to those in charge of G&D who haven't given us a call yet. IT'S TORTURE, I TELL YOU!

Wax

You have poked me in my soft, unprotected underbelly. I am weak, so I succumb to popular demand. A post to slake the thirst of the masses:

"Barty!" came the cry of the old woman from the driveway. Her voice was dry, and Bart was under the impression that it was due to a thick layer of dust, like that on the figurines she kept sardined on surfaces all around the house.

"Let's go!"

"Coming, Gram."

The boy slouched downstairs, being as careful as possible not to step on the massive grey cat that lay sprawled across three steps, soaking in the sun, or possibly dead. Bart didn't really care which it was. He and the cat were not on speaking terms. The screen door swung shut with a bang as he made his way across the porch to the car. It took Bart a few seconds to register what he saw unfolding in the driveway of the old house:

His grandmother was crouched low, pressing close to the side of the car. A great, reptilian head swung stupidly from left to right, taking in the scents of lake water, rock, boy, and dusty old woman. The last seemed to spark its interest, and with the ungodly speed that nature grants only the most unspeakable of creatures, Nessie swooped down, and cleanly made Grammy disappear.

By the time Bart's rigid terror allowed him the use of his legs again, the serpent had retreated back into the Loch with a terrible splash. Bounding back the way he came, across the porch, through the screen door and into the kitchen, he snatched up the phone to call the authorities. Through the husky voice of the man on the other line, he could hear welling laughter. So this is what it feels like to be part of a myth, Bart thought, through his desperate grief and horror. So this is what it feels like to be a loon.

Hm. I don't know where that came from. It was originally going to be about a chili war and a squirrel attack, but I went legit on you all. Sorry. At least it has Nessie in it, who almost makes up for the fanged squirrel. Maybe I could have a Part II where Nessie and the squirrel face off over a bowl of chili. Or maybe Nessie and the bowl of chili could duel for the squirrel's love!

Or maybe I'll talk about wax now.

Wax is very useful. It can be made into candles, which were very important for people who didn't know about turpentine (which comes from pine trees! Who would have guessed? Obviously not the guy on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"). Wax is made by bees in order to have structure for their homes. The queen bee lays eggs in hexagonal wax impressions, which are also used to store honey. Honey is good, and the plural is "honeys," not "honey," contrary to popular belief. Wax is also fun to squish around when it's not covered with ants.

A note to the Ants and all those participating in the war for/against human freedom:

I am no longer an Ant advocate. If the time should come when there is war between the races, I will side with the humans to protect our place on Earth as dominant species. That is all. Thank you.

No!

This is an exert from a recent conversation:

I mean yes!
Are you kidding me? Of all the times... Just go with it!
But...I did that last week! I can't do it again.
Nobody'll care. If it's original once, it could only seem to be new to the old.
No, no, you see, if it's old and new at the same time to different people, they'll kill me! They're like that, you know.
I wasn't aware they were so violent. Weapon of choice?
What else? It.
NOOOOOOOOOOO! Think of the children!!!
They don't like the children. A shame, isn't it?
Not for the pheonixes.
You spelled phoenix wrong.
Well... where I come from, it's customary to spell the names of all mythical birds wrong.
Oh, of course. Back to the problem, though, I'm slowly losng my mnd!

That is all. Thank you.

My Newest Short Story

Alright, here's the deal. I'm going to write a story, and you will all marvel at its brilliance.

Cagim. City of Magic. In the beginning of (insert century here), Shinza was a very popular place to live, as everything there was done magically. After all, it was the City of Magic. Cagim had an enemy, though. Magic threatened the labor industry. Who needs labor when one can snap their fingers and the job is done? The labor industry thus began secret undermining attempts to destroy Cagim and all of its knowledge on magic.
The labor industry's underming attempt was called "DAMN", or "Destroy All Magic Nonesense", which is where that word originated. DAMN was very stupid, however. They sent spies into Cagim who couldn't even fake knowing magic. In just a matter of days after DAMN's formation, its very existance put into danger.
A DAMN spy was captured when he tried to infiltrate the Library of Alexandria II, made after the first Library of Alexandria was destroyed. Using magic, the mages of the Library of Alexandria II found out about this secret attempt to destroy Cagim and all of it's knowledge from the spy. The Mages of Cagim were not worried, though. How could a labor force take down the most powerful men and women on the planet?
DAMN's failed attempt at sending a spy in the Library of Alexandria II made them realize something very important: They could not win this unofficial war through secret sabotage. They began planning a full scale assault. They would attack and encircle the city and then proceed to destroy it with their main weapon: fire. Unfortunately, they did not realize that Cagim knew of this plot.
Cagim mages found out about this plot from the spy, whom they had converted into one of their own and he in fact became a double-spy, and began summoning mythical creatures to aid them in their quest. From griffins to dragons to the three headed dog Cerberus, the mages summoned for three days an army big enough to destroy the labor force. As an extra slap to the face of their enemy, they also made the city float hundreds of feet above the ground so that they could not touch it with any of their weapons.
The day of the attack approached, and DAMN began their march towards Cagim. When they got there, they were greeted by a very large hole where Cagim should have been. Suspecting there must have been a very large explosion due to some unseen force, they celebrated at their victory. As they were celebrating, though, Cerberus rose from the giant hole. This signaled the army of griffins, dragons, hypogriffs, faries, zombies, elves, goblins, and many other mythical creatures to swoop down from the sky and bury up from the ground to attack DAMN. Within moments, DAMN was reduced to ash, and then that ash was eaten by the zombies. Cagim floated back down and the army was paid and dispersed until called unto again.
Cagim would have been a very prosperous city if only the arrogant mages hadn't made the mistake of summoning a meteor instead of summoning a meter. The newly summoned meteor came falling from the sky, as large as a small island, and utterly dessimated the city and all surrounding area for hundreds of miles. In fact, the damage was so immense that the area became part of the ocean, sinking down where it was never heard of again.

The end.

I pride myself in writing that in 5 to 10 minutes.

When I Get Bored, This is What Happens:

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Good luck with that! :-)