"The literary equivalent of an acid trip." -jedi_raptor07

Friday, March 31, 2006

A Message From Your Soon-to-be Overlords

We, the Anteliticans, have taken over Maeve's computer. That is one small step on our road to ultimate power. Tread carefully from now on. With the use of the Internet, we have compound eyes everywhere. We, like all over-confident villains, take for granted the flawless accomplishment of our goals, and will so describe them in detail. We know your intellects are too feeble to retain all of this information anyway.

Step One: Apply for a credit card.
Step Two: Keep it for a while, and acquire a good credit rating.
Step Three: Use that good credit rating to apply for more cards, until eventually getting one from every major bank and credit firm in the world.
Step Four: Get a cash advance on all of them, netting billions to form a world-wide lottery prize.
Step Five: Offer everyone who supports us for Almighty Rulers of the World a free lottery ticket.

And the best part is? There is nothing Jeff and all the other do-gooders can do to stop us! Human greed is an all-encompassing force, as we have found in our research. Those who do not succumb to their desire for ultimate riches will be zapped by our death ray. We know where you live. We have a phone book.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Classics

What is considered a classic? Please, after you have read this passage, place your answer in the "Comment" section using at least three specific examples from the text (aka tell me what you think a classic is in your comment). Most people think of "The Chronicles of Narnia" and "King Kong" as classic, old movies or books that are still popular to this day. Others refer to new movies and books as 'instant classics,' such as the "Harry Potter" series and "Spiderman." Even others consider movies such as "The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes", "The Blob", and "Plan Nine from Outer Space" as classics. Many people consider classics as movies or books that have left an impression on them.

My dad, however, has a different concept of 'classics'. Well, not really concept; he agrees with the last statement, he just has a different outline of books and movies that he considers classics. For example, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle", and anything written by Isaac Asimov he considers classics. He also considers "The Marx Brothers" classics...or, at least, the first five movies plus "Room Service". Comparing these movies and books to those above, his choices of classics are very different from the ones above.

My conclusion is that everyone has a different sense of what "the classics" are. Some say "Humphrey Bogart" movies are classics, others disagree and say only old books like "The Time Machine", "Journey to the Centre of the Earth" and "Little Women" as classics. Shakespeare's plays are also widely accepted as classics. And, of course, Mozart is considered a classical composer (Ha! A pun!).

Thus, my conclusion (part II, APOCOLYPSE!), I shall now go watch some good ol' classics (In other words, the newly bought "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends" on DVD) while anyone who actually took the time to read this comments.

A note to all: Another contest will soon arrise. What it will be, nobody knows...except for me! Prize will be the same - two winners, posts will be merged and commented. And no, Sam, we won't label who wrote what; it makes it more confusing to read.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Too silly, far too silly. In reverse.

I have decided that this blog has become too tame as of late. Because of this, I would like to introduce to the world my sides kick and long-time friend, Babaratzi, the lion tamer. Actually, wouldn't that would make it tamer? Alright. Instead, I'll introduce his brother, Iztarabab, the lion taunter. Will you come out here for a minute, Izzy? I have to slop the pigs, so I'll leave Izzy to run the show for a bit. I leave this post in very capable hands. Erm... hand. That whole episode with the lion, you know.

i cn only type wif 1 hand so i take shrt cuts. i trust u'll xcuse me? anyway, i dont know how long maeve'll b gone, so i guess ill pass d time wif a story. dis is 1 of my favorites. so there i was, in d middle of d pacific ocean n a glass-bottomd boat. i was on vacation, c, n thought id take me a rest from d lions 4 a while. i was lookin at d fishs n d watr n d brds in d sky, n d ppl on d boat sumwhere in betwn d fish n d brds, wen along came d c lions. now, dese werent dose fake c lions wot hav d flipprs n things like a seal. dose are jus uppety seals. no, dese were lions dat lookd like lions. dey had manes like lions, n teeth like lions, n dey roard like lions. dese were d genuine things. nobody els on d boat saw dose lions but me, an i kept my mouf shut cuz i had a surprise 4 dem. i jus calmly like a profesnal tuk my c lion harpoon, n kep it redy. then i did wot comes naturaly. i tauntd d lion. mayb it wasnt d smartest thing 2 do at c, but i thought it wud b nice 4 d folks on board to c d c lions close up under d glass. so i yelled n waved d harpoon n a little red flag i keep roun, n soon d c lions were comin up fast. d ppl sure were surprised. n fact, d capn was so surprised dat he did wot comes naturaly 2 him; he frew sum scuba tanks into d c lions' moufs, and fired his rifle at d c lions, blowin dem 2 smithereens. i had d feelin dat i had seen dat sumwhere b4. it all nded well, wif d hole crew havin c lion steaks 4 lunch.

Did Izzy tell you the "sea lion" story? He never gets tired of that one. Well, the pigs are thoroughly slopped, but I haven't anything to say, other than, "Break a leg!" to the cast of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." I'm trying to think of a way to say, "Peace" as a sign out without sounding like a gangsta, an alien, or a member of the clergy. Maybe I can say it in the ancient tongue of Babylon...and on. Observe:
I would like to take this lovely bit of time this afternoon (and it is a wonderful afternoon! It's a bit nippy, but not more so than we could expect in early spring. Speaking of Spring, I just don't understand that whole groundhog thing. If he sees his shadow, it must be sunny, which in my mind indicates warm weather approaching. Yet, when Phil sees his shadow, it is said that we have six more weeks of winter. I saw a Little Bear cartoon about that once. Have you ever read those books? Good times. He dug to China once... but then ate soup, or something. I can't really remember.) to say... goodbye!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Phone Calls

To All: I apologize for the lack of posts lately. It seems my creative juices are slowing down due to school sucking the life out of me. I apologize once again.

To Sam: The whole point of the merging post and commenting in it is so that you can't tell who wrote what. It didn't quite work out as planned, but it worked out pretty nicely none the less, not "nonetheless" because that sounds bad.

My phone is pure evil. Whenever it rings, the interent goes *Poof!* and I'm stuck internetless until the phone hangs up. It's rather annoying. For quite some time I've wanted to blow it up. Hee! I can blow up stuff with water. And people say I'm not a pyro...

Have you ever noticed how phone calls come at the worst time? For example, I think it was four or five years ago when all the telephone marketers called at dinner. That was ridiculous. And now people call at dinner anyway. That's probably because everyone is at home around dinner, but still! How would you like it if you were eating dinner and then suddenly "R-r-r-r-r-ring!!!!!!" It gets annoying after a while. That's another time I have the urge to blow it up. With water. Hee! And people say I should go to an insane asylum...

Phones are always convenient for getting in touch with people really quickly...unless they aren't home or their cell-phone isn't on. I had to organize seven people once to come to a show in three hours and, with the miracle of the modern phone, I did it! Yeah, that was a big, fat lie...but if I did have to organize seven people to come to a show in three hours, I could do it with the phone! Or exploding signals in the air. Hee! And people say that I'm not crazy...

It's always nice to hear people's voices over the phone. With AIM or Google Talk or any IM-ing service, you can't really tell if the person you are talking to is really the person you think it is. And you get expression over the phone. It's very hard to pick up sarcastic comments over AIM or Google Talk (trust me - I've made a fool of myself more than once through that.) Anyway, this has been too serious for me so far.

Phones have unfortunately (for me, not Maeve) joined with the ants. Ants have the technology to become the size of an electron. The phones have unfortunately joined up with the ants. Now the ants can travel along phone lines and pop out where you least expect them - the phone! There is a solution, though: blow up your phone! I'm having a bonfire Saturday at 12:00 PM, EST in my backyard, which is conviently located at 42 Insanity Lane, Gretzelkinj, Randomos(s)it(t)y 6295141.3. See you there! Hee! I was suddenly reminded of the time when Sam and I tried to burn a bunch of ants alive...

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Carissa and Andrew's Guest Post

This is very long. Scroll down to see what I mean. An old man in flowing robes with a flowing beard steps forward. "Go back!" He says, with wild eyes. Will you heed him? Hi there. I'm Jedi_Raptor07. I would like to thank my gracious hosts, Jeff & Maeve, for allowing me to guest-post this entry on their blog. Just "gracious?" Bah! We've gotten "Almighty objects of my undying devotion and faith" from lowlier scraps of metal than you. I've never actually posted on a blog before, and I'm way to lazy/busy excited to be doing so now. Lazy and busy, you may be, but you somehow managed to write this. Imagine that. Many thanks to Jeff & Maeve for allowing me to post my first, um, post on their blog. Smooth, there, Cap'n, um, Smooth. I am forever in their debt (Guys, please don't take that literally). Oh, why the disclaimer? We would never (cough, snort) take advantage of your "gracious" offer!
Okay, enough of the groveling. Already? We haven't had enough! Eh, continue anyway, you ungrateful litte... *grumbles* A little about me... this big
SEAL thing jumps out of a whale carcass I'm a multimillionaire living in Malibu, Florida. I own a multimillion dollar mansion, have a housekeeping staff of about 50 people. Can I borrow a few million dollars? I drive a bright red Lamborghini Murcielago. I'm the CEO of a multibillion dollar technology corporation, have a beautiful wife whose (<--GRAMMAR ALERT!) half my age OH! HA! I DO NOT HAVE A COMPULSIVE UPDATING DISORDER!!!!! I'm sure u all were dying to know that. yuppers, and ten kids from my three separate marriages. And if you believe all that, then get your head checked. It's all false. Darn. We were about to invite you and your lovely wife over for cocktails. You could have had some very powerful friends. Wait, you lied to us? Oh, that's it. You're on our "List of People who Lie and we Don't Like" list now.

That's what I really drive to work every morning! i literally have to skip chours
because of it. SHINY STUFF - IDK where i would be with out it. It's a Grumman F-14D Tomcat, goes zero to 150 in less than 2 seconds, 0_o top speed of 1200+ MPH, and the best part is, it carries 6, count 'em, 6 AIM-54C Phoenix air-to-air missiles, so I never have to worry about someone taking my parking space! Yeah baby! And, of course, whenever a teacher gives you a bad grade on a test...Of course I had to buy it slightly used and it still cost me a cool $25,000,000, but, hey, it was worth it. and we DID!!!! ALL EIGHT OF US! IN A CLOSET WITH ABOUT 3 SQUARE FEET OF SPACE IN IT!!! IT WAS AMAZING! except i got squished... and my hand got a small bruise on it. The only thing I'm not happy about (aside from the fact that my brother likes to be a backseat driver. Man I love those ejector seats!) is the paint job. Off-white with sky-blue accents doesn't really suit my fancy. I'm thinking maybe of painting it black with red and yellow stripes, maybe some flames, oh, and a shark mouth on the nose! Take that Tom Cruise! He did, but not very well. You'll be getting a... vist very soon, I should think.

Okay, again, if you believed any of that stuff, see your shrink ASAP. Gasp! You insult the readers?! That's number one on the list of blog taboos! You are banished, Romeo! Okay, come back again and finish this thing up. Actually, I take that back. Oh, good. The technical data on the F-14D is correct, just don't belrandom is good??? right???ieve any of the crap about me owning it (If you do, don't tell anyone! I don't want the Department of Defense to come knock my door down!) I would be more worried about Tom Cruise's little buddies, if I were you.
Actually, to be honest, my life isn't all that exciting. I'm board a lot, usually oak (duh-duh, ching!) Oh! You took my position! If I weren't currently fighting more than two wars, it would be ON! Yeah, yeah, I know, bad joke. 2/3 of a pun. P-U! You rounded out your pun with a pun? What kind of apology is that? I can't believe you even attempted a pun. That's just sad. Huh, I guess I'm kind of out of it today. School will do that to you. "SHAKESPEARE IS NOT! ITS FUN! SO SCHOOL IS NOT POINTLESS" and she was like "shakespeare is evil when it begins to rain". "To be or not to be, that is the question; whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer..." Sucks all the life out of you, makes you a zombie. Stinks. "They're zooooooombies!!"

Okay, enough whining. Let me tell you a little about myself:
Favorite Movies: Star Wars (all of them, even the prequals), Red Dawn (great war movie, highly recommend it), and last but not least, The Adventures of Robin Hood (Yes it's kind of cheesy and over-the-top at parts, but hey, you gotta love the classics) Lord of the Rings isn't on there? And neither are the Marx Brothers?
Favorite Author: Tom Clancy that i drew a face on. I call HIM joe. It sounds like Tom Clancy's buddies will be knocking on (or down) your door, too.
Favorite Foods: Pizza (!), Philly steak sandwiches, DARK CHOCOLATE (Must...have...Hershey's Special Dark!), and the Chicken Fingers from Appetite's Delight. (w/ honey mustard yumyumyumyumyum!) You're going to die early.
Favorite car: If it's made in Europe, has at least 8 cylinders, goes at least 150 mph, and costs more than I'll ever make in my entire life, then I WANT IT BABY! That sounds about right. You're feeding the stereotype, Drew.
Favorite sport: Paintball, hands down (although I would like to try airsoft) Lasertag is infinitely better than paintball, duh!
Anyway, like I said, I'm not much of an artist when it comes to PhotoShop. I am, however, something of an author. I enjoy writing fan fiction, mostly Star Wars stuff. so being the resourceful person i am.... i'm just going to combine fragments. I'm thinking of opening an account on FanFiction.Net but would like some creative criticism on my before I do. Criticism I have. Haven't you noticed? It's the price of a post, I'm afraid. Here are a few projects that I'm working on:
1· Star Wars: Tangent-basically a what-if story if Padme had survived Episode III
2· Ghosts of Sherwood-A Robin Hood story.
3· Star Wars: The Road Not Traveled- Anakin and Padme never get married, so i was like look at the talking apples to apples. Palpatine is defeated, and Padme becomes Supreme Chancellor. Another what-if story.
4· Untitled Star Wars Story-Leia is gunned down and dies in Han's arms and Han goes on a one-man mission of revenge on her killers. My criticism, which isn't fair because I haven't read it -- This revenge-seeking plot is too tired.

If you want, and if Jeff & Mauve (Maeve starts sputtering and foaming at the mouth. Do I LOOK like a shade of purple to you? I might now, since you've gotten my dander up by spelling my name wrong!!) or nerdjedi will let me, I can publish samples of these stories on a blog in a later guest-post (pester them in your comments to let me do that). We wish you wouldn't, unless Andrew is willing to let us "edit" his stories before we post them. Let me rephrase that: We'll let Andrew post his stories if we get to "edit" them first. it all started when we had EIGHTEEN INCHES OF SNOW ON THE GROUND. HAHA! NO SCHOOL! *runs outside* Oh. No snow on the ground. :-( Any further ideas you could offer would be great.
Well, Jeff & Mauve (Not once, but twice! You insult your host TWICE? My friend, I cannot take this lying down! *Slap with glove*)(Not only are you on our "People who Lie and we Don't Like" list, you are also now on the "People who Can't Spell Maeve's Name Correctly" list. That's an even worse list, by the way.) are probably ticked about how long this post has become, (No, not so much that. Maybe about a certain SOMEONE with an irreverence toward SOMEONE ELSE'S name!) so I'll sign off. Until next time,
Jedi_Raptor07 ~Carissa
PS. Send lots of comments so Jeff & Mauve (Maeve gives up, and runs away, sobbing. Jeff runs off, too, to cheer her up.)or nerdjedi will let me post again! THE GOLDFISH LIVE ON! Goldfish are awesome. I ate some today. The end.
Or is it?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Carissa's Impatience

As smart as she is, patience is a virtue she lacks. Not to offend you or anything. :-)
Anyway, the merge post shall be posted within the week. We just recently (as in yesterday) got jedi_raptor07's post, so now we have to..."randomossitize"...them. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry about that. Couldn't resist. *smiles evilly* >:-)

Saturday, March 11, 2006

What Happens when Two Insane People Start a Blog Together and Write A Post

While they are next to each other.

Hm. This is less interesting than I thought it would be. I'll...suddenly disappear and leave the typing to Maeve for a few minutes.

Ha ha! This was a bad move on your part! The ideas... the POWER that is flowing through me! Shoot. I no longer have time to type.

Hahaha! I don't know why I said that. Oh, no! A monkey with a crowbar! *runs away from computer*

The strange thing is that this has happened before. Thusly, we took precautions. Jeff... the sorbet, please?

I...um...ate it...

You fool! There is no hope for me or my typing skills now.

I dare you not to use the backspace or delete button anymore.

ashfiuh;seuiorha shofeh.

Is that a yes?


Wow. I didn't think you'd actually say yes. Ah, well. Good luck reading whatever she writes.

Thsansks. I'll need it, too.

Hm...the Mandarin orange I ate today was very juicy.

I am being magically compelled to eat han orange now. This is a first.

I don't believe there are cheeses that will go with oranges, though.

OH, contraiKDJKSDFHAKLSUE NEW word now since i forgot. yeah. I skeep forgetting shift isn't on,. This is reaaaaaaly frusterating. I give the backspace key more respect, now. I s that washat t-

You no longer are dared.


But, you know, there is another way (other than overtype mode) to change what you wrote.

I could always use the back arrow and delete, I guess.

No, I dared you not to use the delete, remember?

I forgot. So, what is the other way?

Highlight it. Then start typing. :-P


:-J )

It looks different on the blog than it does over gmail.

I don't think we've ever used it outside google talk.

No, I don't think so. I'm going to strike up a more interesting conversation, now. Back to the monkey with the crowbar...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

On the subject...

I will now attempt to makek a MadLib right before your eyes! Using a code for a mad lib I wrote quite a while ago, I shall now try and copy and paste it into the blog's code without screwing it up completely. Wish me luck! And...it looks like it worked! At the bottom of the page, look for a button labled "Mad Lib" and click it. Yeah...that's about all.

Monday, March 06, 2006

To: Jedi_Raptor07 and Carissa

You are the winners! Yes, "winners" plural. We thought the prize would be more interesting when shared. So... here it is. We now steal an idea from Sam's blog by rewarding you with a post on our blog. There are conditions, however. You each get one post, which we will then combine, along with our own comments, and put up on the blog. Have fun!


A good point has been brought to our attention. How do you get it to us? The answer? Send it to blue_rox@comcast.net. And jedi_raptor07 asked what we meant by merge...that's for us to know and you to find out. :-P

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Puzzle Contest!

I was going to post something worthwhile... well, "worthwhile" in the sense that it had some length to it, but I got sidetracked. So, instead, I will create a contest to try to draw more people to this blog. Rules are as follows:
Rule 1: There are no rules
Rule 2: Oh, wait... there are no rules. Just decode the message, and be the first one to post it correctly. The lower case letters are not coded. For winning, you will recieve a mysterious and wonderful prize (AKA I haven't decided what it is, yet).


Quick Change of Names

I, Todd, have changed the spelling of my name for several reasons that I shall not disclose at the present time. I now spell my name "ToddD." Three d's, with the last one capitalized. Thank you, that is all.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Deliadl;fjaskl;dfjaskl;dfjlasdjfl;a

Hee hee. I broke out again. This time, though, I made a small hydrogen-powered bomb. That idiot Jeff thought I was making a hydrgoen-powered squirt gun. Ha! Like I'd pass up the oppurtunity to blow up the walls that hold me in this cage! Anyway, I now have as much time as I like to write. I put a little...sedative...in his drink this morning. Nothing major or poisonous, but he'll wake up in about six hours wondering what he was doing yesterday, not realizing that I broke out again.

It's not as much fun without the thrill of getting caught, though, and then evading getting in trouble through various ways and never actually getting caught. Ah, well. I'll just make it harder for myself next time.

I got very bored yesterday and made my own computer programmed with my own code. I affectionally call it Banana Code. It's a very cool computer; it's one of few that will actually respond to voice commands properly. I know, I am a genius, aren't I?

I tried to look outside the other day when I realized I have no windows in my cage deep underground. I always liked the environment (except for bugs...and other animals...and poisonous plants...actually, I really only like the trees, flowers, and grass.) so I planted a garden. Of course, it would take years to have it grow into a beautiful garden, so I put the room in a time portal. I just realized, though, that now I won't be able to get it back...ah, well. In thirty years I'll have a beautiful garden that I didn't have to work on at all!

While I was walking to the computer, I saw an ant. A single ant. It must've gotten lost on its way back to the colony. I looked around to see if anyone else was there, and I saw that this room was actually very empty. Nothing was in here, except me and that ant. After a long period of glaring at each other in silence, I realized something. I'm staring at my arch nemesis, of which there is only one of, and I am much bigger than it. After contemplating the best way to kill it, I set up a trap to lure it under an anvil. Using food as bait, it walked under the anvil and...SMASH! No more ant.

Again on my way to the computer, there was a bird that wouldn't shut up. So I blew it up.

As much fun as this is, I fear I must take my leave. I have to go build a cannon out of a film can and a piezo-electric ignitor. Hope to come back soon!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


I will now do an interpretive dance based on words I randomly pull from my "Democracy Under Pressure" textbook. "Appointed" "Florida" "Illustrate" "Narrow" "New York Times" "Operating!" Wow. That dance piece was one of my finest ones yet. It was quite a workout, though, what with that double back flip near the end. I think I'll switch to a less tiring topic. Sea sponges. Echinoderms seem like a pretty safe bet. But no. Instead, I will talk about... ANTS! That's right, Jeff -- it's on now! I shall now open myself as a channel for the Ants to speak through, for they are infinitely wiser than I.

Several seconds of static, followed by... "Puny mortals! We have decided to start out with a human cliche to prove how aware we are of your society. It is not in the best interest of the Anteliticans (the term "Ant," we suppose, developed through your understandably gaping human flaws in comprehension)to divulge too much of our true nature or power to our enemy, but we will merely say this: We are more powerful than you can possibly imagine, and our ultimate and irreversible destiny is to conquer the human race. Have a nice day."

Cranberry juice is good, but not when mixed with other fruit juices.

I need a topic.

There are types of cheeses, and there are formations of meteor showers that fly through space and always somehow manage to find their mark on Earth.

Cheese is to many colors as crayons are to ridiculous colors (i.e. macaroni and cheese).

Smile for the camera, say "Cheese!"

Can you tell I'm desparate for a topic?

If it wasn't for the free food, I would've flown out of that house like cheese being thrown out of a window into the street where it would be eaten be a squirrel who would then run up a tree that is being cut down by a lumberjack who never wanted to be in the pet business.

I've yet to see a Monty Python sketch where they use cheese.

I don't think very many Asian countries uses cheese a lot in their cuisine.

Wow, my spelling is pretty bad today.

Who, besides me, actually pulls string cheese into long strands and eats it very slowly, savouring the taste?

Using only a plate of cheese and some crackers, he managed to create an explosion bigger than that of a hydrogen bomb.

The phone rang today, and I promptly picked it up and said "Thank you for calling the 'House of Cheese.'" At least, I was very tempted to.

I wonder how long I can keep this up...

When looking at a cow, many think of the milk it produces and the cheese that comes from it.

I once tried to cut a piece of cheese with the wrong side of a knife for a good 10 minutes.

When Todd asked for me to give him the cheese pie, I smashed it into his face...a move I regretted once he pulled out his hydrogen-powered squirt gun.

Ah, look! It's long enough to be considered a post! Yay!