"The literary equivalent of an acid trip." -jedi_raptor07

Sunday, May 27, 2007

O-K

One day, O-K decided it would be fun to dig a hole to Kyrgyzstan. He had heard that people generally have goals of digging to China, but O-K was no fool. He did his research previous to this venture, and calculated that the Kyrgyzstani city of Przyeval'sk was directly on the other side of the world from his backyard. O-K considered himself a bit of a mathematician. He also calculated that it would probably take him until a little after lunch if his dog, oE, helped him. But by the time they finished their lunches, the hole was only . , and not very deep, either. So they worked until after dinner. But by the time O-K got back from washing the dishes, the hole was only o . This was very disappointing for them both, especially since O-K had relatives in Przyeval'sk. O-K didn't want to give up, however, and was optimistic that oE had dug a long way while he was in the kitchen. So O-K bent down, O-V , and peered into the o . Deep in the o , he saw a red light shining up from it. O-K traveled deep down into the dark, dimly, dorky, dentistal dorm. O-K met the most unlikely person imaginable: Josef Stalin, >O-K . >O-K had an amusement park in the bowels of the Earth. The crowning ride of his park was a roller coaster ending with explosions, machine guns, and pizza. oE came to see what the noise was, fell down the o , and promtply died in a fantastic display of fireworks. oE later became the head of >O-K's great amusement park.


Sunday, May 20, 2007

Waste of Pixels

I'd like to publicly apologize for Maeve's waste of pixels. Her earlier post is a disgrace to the Internet and, frankly, a waste of space. It should be known that some people do not have pixels to waste. Some people need every single solitary individual minute infinitesimal pixel they can use. Some people, like me, realize the importance of pixels to the Internet. Some people are unaware that there is a shortage of pixels. Pixels are not to be used lightly. Once again, I'd like to apologize for Maeve's pointless and inefficient use of pixels.

Sincerely,
Jeff, Avid Pixel Conservationist

Saturday, May 19, 2007

.

You Disgust Me

No, it's true. All of you do. Every sin9le cell of yours, includin9 the ones that aren't even part of you that just happen to live in you. Like all that bacteria and yeast. 'Cept your nephrons. They're cool.

Some of you (who dis9ust me [I found a new "g"!]) have been complainin9 about the uniform ridiculousness of our posts. So for a chan9e of pace, this post will be completely serious. Completely. Serious. Let us be9in to start.

KILL THE ASPARA9US!

I just couldn't keep it from you all (who dis9ust me) any lon9er; the world must know. I have ended my affair with Aspara9us. It was nice for a while, but then